I Have Done Homework But I Have Forgotten My Notes at Home

Long-forgotten yet intact hiding somewhere inside my heart, I bumped into this phrase while reading this novel by Varun Agrawal going by the name of ‘How I Braved Anu Aunty and Co-founded a Million Dollar Company’. There was a chapter titled ‘Mother Swear’ (my best guess) which quoted incidents describing the trickeries we used as kids to deceive teachers. That’s when this phrase met my eyes. As I allowed it to scratch the layers of my heart, dig deep within, it brought back my childhood memories.

‘I have done homework but I have forgotten my notes at home’ is mostly everyone’s favorite childhood cliché. I remember cashing on the popularity and success of this excuse many a times myself. It would work like a charm every time. In the eyes of teachers we were like innocent puppies, well not all of us but most of us. So like well-versed strategists we employed this vulnerability of teachers in the quest of not doing homework and yet escaping from punishment. And there were many variations; it wasn’t completely boring and bland.  ‘At home’ was just a flagship variation of the series of excuses. In fact sometimes the variations were so funny and hilarious that I would impatiently wait for homework-checking-session; provided that I myself had done my homework.

I still remember one of my friends saying, ‘While I was doing my homework, a buffalo came from nowhere and swallowed my notes.’ I have no idea how he mustered courage to say this, nor have I any knowledge of how stupid he thought the teacher was. What I remember is his cheek paying the price of his tongue’s bad. Some other bizarre yet fathomable versions went like this: ‘Ms. I really did it, but my kid sister tore the pages of my homework.’ ‘It was right here before the recesses, someone must have stolen it.’ And the classic one, ‘Ma’am I did not attend the last session so I did not know what the homework was (there were no cell phones, no 140-character-attacks to bombard the notes of every session).

Teachers had always this one favorite comeback, ‘Why did you not forget to eat food.’ Well, we always had answers ready on the tip of our tongue; it’s too obvious food is basic need, homework is not and yet did not dare reply and just patiently waited until teacher stopped word-slapping us. Initially the teachers happily, skeptically or unhappily swallowed our bald-faced-lies, but soon the lies went viral and teachers caught the wind of our ingenious conspiracy. It was then that they nailed the coffin of this golden savior and categorized it under the list of punishable offense. That’s when the things took turn for the worse. The teachers began doubting our insincere sincerity and always bear in mind that a cynical teacher is more dangerous than a wounded giraffe.

Teachers began questioning us like Interpol would drill criminals with history. They started asking us to go back home and bring the notes, call parents to testify whether we really did homework or not, call in the culprits who either with childish innocence or in cold revenge misplaced, stole or tore down the notes. It inspired or rather threatened us to extend our conspiracy and tell a series of more lies; and not heaps of lies, in fact a whole mountain range of it.

But in the end we would surrender to the pressure of ruler on the palm or a slap on the cheek. And then either we were made to bend over and touch our toes or were made to suffer the embarrassment of Murgha Punishment. If ever in my life I felt like abandoning the materialistic comforts of life, it were those moments. In the worst cases teachers would ask us to write five reasons why we didn’t do homework. Of course that should be a piece of cake, except for the fact that we had to get it signed by our parents! Forget about the reasons, with what face you go to your parents and ask them to accompany you in your treachery! Anyway, I am the kind of soul who would appreciate a good idea, even if it has come from my archrival. So let me tell you, whoever invented this idea, must be a genius. Because with this, teachers didn’t even had to touch us and still they got us slapped (ya, beaten too) by our parents.

It won’t be exaggeration to say that climax of unfinished-homework episodes shared striking similarities with that of an action-thriller movie. After all hell breaking loose, we would finally put an end to the chapter, by vouching never to do it again.

You remember that famous saying by William Shakespeare, ‘All's well that ends well.’? Well, it never got along with me. After remaining obedient for a while, I would find my head in the same old trouble again; I have done homework but I have forgotten my notes at home.